I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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