I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
