"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
