I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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