I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
