Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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