Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
