My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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