you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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