OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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