it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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