i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
