So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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