i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
