I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
