I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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