i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
