I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
