toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
