I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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