i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
