I didn't shave. On purpose
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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