Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
