she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
