Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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