Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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