I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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