Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
