Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
