why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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