hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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