and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
