the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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