hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
