Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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