if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
