I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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