Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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