Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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