Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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