i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
