I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
