I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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