final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
