some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
