I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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