Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
