What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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