I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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