Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
