i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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