oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize