He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
