I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
