he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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