So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
