My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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