just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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