hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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