she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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