We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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