i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
