I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
