I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
there is glitter all over my balls
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