I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
