Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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