i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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