there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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