guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
