they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
