DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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