Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
