i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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