I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
