I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
