Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
