Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize