did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
