Redeem this text for a blowjob
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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