Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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