Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
