I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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