Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
this will be a night to untag.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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