i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
