dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
