Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
