Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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