im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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