fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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