god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
