Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
