He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
