Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
